Gift Giving Part 1: How To Be A Better Gift-Giver
The season of giving is upon us! Thanksgiving is just around the corner, and Christmas is not far behind. My own children have already started compiling their wish list from the Amazon holiday toy catalog and I know many start Christmas shopping long before Thanksgiving.
A lot of my friends and clients lament the influx of stuff (especially for their kids) in their homes after the holidays, and January starts off with a vow to declutter and get organized. While this keeps my work valid (send me a request for your complimentary consultation!) here is my unpopular opinion: We live in an unhealthy gifting culture (there, I said it.) Obligatory family gift exchanges, office Secret Santas, white elephant parties… While these traditions are wholesome and thoughtful at their core, too often they become a chore or last minute scramble to come up with something, resulting in the recipient getting some irrelevant tchotchke that turns into clutter the minute it enters their house.
You cannot control someone else’s behavior but you can control your own, and use that to set an example for giving clutter-free Christmas gifts. Show your appreciation this holiday season by giving your loved ones the best gifts they’ll receive all year, without adding to their homes disorder or their own to-do list.
How to give clutter free gifts they will love
What is a clutter free gift?
In my opinion, it needs to meet at least one (if not more) of the following criteria:
It isn’t physical (such as a service or experience)
It is consumable (it goes away eventually)
It fulfills an actual need for the recipient (as opposed to a perceived need by the giver)
It will be loved and cherished by the recipient (as the giver, be careful. Do you know your recipient well enough to choose something that will bring this kind of joy?)
Is a gift expected, or are you placing unnecessary pressure on yourself?
As you enter this holiday season, I challenge you to take a step back and view each situation with fresh eyes. Is a gift actually expected or are you placing unnecessary pressure on yourself for no reason? Is your friend hosting a gathering because she wants to receive presents? Probably not. If you don’t participate in an office exchange, will you get fired? Definitely not. Have an honest conversation with yourself (and those you are celebrating with!) about if a gift is expected or necessary. If not, let yourself off the hook and save your recipient from accumulating more stuff. And just maybe, they’re feeling the same pressure, and this is the year your family pairs down physical gifts in favor of a group activity.
Maybe a gift isn’t necessary, but you feel compelled to show your appreciation or gratitude or love for someone all the same. Great! You’re on the right track to responsible gifting. Let’s dig into how to give gifts without adding to the clutter.
Gifts don’t have to be things
Several years ago, after my siblings and I had all grown, married, and gotten reliable jobs, my parents made the announcement that they will no longer be getting us presents, and we should no longer get them presents. We are all fortunate to have steady incomes that allow us to buy what we need and want; they were beginning to downsize their possessions for retirement, and as my siblings and I started having children, we already had plenty of stuff in our growing homes.
That’s not to say that we don’t show our love and gratitude in other ways. Every Fall, my mom still makes pumpkin cookies and brings me a batch. She doesn’t even like them, but knows they are my absolute favorite. My parents often babysit, so my husband and I can have a date night. When my mom comes to visit, she helps around the house by folding laundry (my LEAST favorite household job). And every time my dad or I hear the song we danced to at my wedding, we text each other as a reminder of that wonderful moment.
My point is: a gift doesn’t have to be a thing. It can be time, acknowledgement, or an act of service. It can be consumable, or one time use, or an event. Often the smallest gestures speak the loudest because it shows the recipient we were listening.
Let’s revisit the holiday gathering your friend is hosting. Rather than showing up with a candle or tea towel, ask “what can I bring to help you with the meal?” Or “can I come a little early to help you set the table?” A few hours before, text her and ask if you can pick up any last minute items, like ice or extra wine on your way over. This will be far and away more appreciated and helpful than any token you could bring.
For more ideas on clutter-free gifts, check out the next post with 65 clutter-free gift ideas!.
Respect Boundaries
If you are compelled to give a gift, give the gift they want to receive, not the gift you want to give. Plan ahead. Listen. Talk to their family and friends, and find out what is truly on their wish list.
The first Christmas my husband and I were dating, he had planned to get me a new coffee pot. He ran the idea by a friend of his who told him it was ridiculous - you should NEVER get your girlfriend a kitchen appliance! To be on the safe side, he got me a coffee pot AND a pair of earrings. The earrings were lovely, but I used that coffee pot every day. It was perfect. And it showed that he knew me and where my priorities were
Give the gift they want to receive, not the gift you want to give.
I often hear people say they don’t want to buy something off a wedding or baby registry because they want to give something “special” or “more personal.” While this is a lovely sentiment, if you choose something that does not suit the new mom’s style, now she is saddled with the task of returning or finding a place for this item. So instead of expressing your love with a thoughtful gift or gesture, you’ve given a new mom something else for her to-do list. On the flip side, what is more special or personal than showing your loved one that you honor their wishes, did your research, and purchased something that will make their life easier?
As you enter this holiday season, I want you to revisit your shopping list, and approach it with the love and care that it deserves. While the saying “it’s the thought that counts” certainly rings true, leave your gift recipient with the genuine feeling of warmth, gratitude, or festive cheer that the gift represents.
To set you off on the clutter-free track, check out my next post with 65 clutter-free gift ideas!